220+ Epic Replies to “When Are You Getting Married?”

There’s always that one person — usually a relative with zero chill — who drops the classic line: “When are you getting married?” Like it’s small talk, not a loaded question about your entire life plan. It doesn’t matter if you’re single, dating, or just vibing — somehow your relationship status becomes everyone’s business. And if you’ve heard it more than once (ugh, who hasn’t?), you’ve probably smiled politely while screaming internally.

Well, no more fake smiles. This time, you’re going in with ammo. From light-hearted one-liners to witty shutdowns and straight-up savage comebacks, we’ve got replies for every mood. Want to keep it playful? Cool.

Feel like throwing a little shade? Even better. This list isn’t just about being clever — it’s about feeling in control of your timeline. So scroll on, find your favorites, and next time someone tries to corner you with “When are you getting married?”, you’ll be ready to fire back — and maybe even enjoy it.

🟢 Friendly & Funny Comebacks to “When Are You Getting Married?”

Let’s start with the comebacks that keep it light. These are for when you want to laugh off the question without creating family drama. A little sarcasm, a touch of irony, and just enough absurdity to make it clear: you’re not taking the bait, but you’re not taking it seriously either.

1. I’m just waiting for the sequel to “My Last Breakup.”
2. As soon as someone proposes during a pizza delivery — my dream!
3. I’ve applied for an extension on that timeline.
4. I’m currently in a long-term relationship with snacks.
5. It’s penciled in right after I win the lottery.
6. I’ve scheduled it for the 12th of Neveruary.
7. Still waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter first.
8. The universe hasn’t matched my vibe yet.
9. I’m building suspense. It’s good marketing.
10. Right after I marry my Wi-Fi. We’ve been through a lot.
11. I’m in a situationship with freedom.
12. I’m waiting for someone who can cook and tolerate my playlists.
13. After I finish binge-watching life.
14. Marriage? I’m still learning to keep my houseplants alive.
15. I’ll get married when “laundry” becomes a two-player sport.
16. As soon as I find someone who doesn’t ask that question.
17. I’m on love’s waitlist — must be a popular item.
18. I’ll consider it when cake isn’t the best part of weddings.
19. I’m saving up for a destination wedding on Mars.
20. When I find someone who loves me and my weird snacks.
21. It’s in the works — just like my six-pack.
22. My pet said no. Gotta respect their opinion.
23. It’s part of my 27-year plan.
24. Waiting for someone who doesn’t text “k.”
25. As soon as I get a refund for my last situationship.
26. Still doing research. Love is complicated.
27. I’ve got commitment issues… with my phone charger.
28. My soulmate is probably stuck in traffic.
29. I’m in a committed relationship with bad decisions.
30. When Netflix stops asking if I’m still watching.
31. I’m on level 3 of single-player mode — it’s going great.
32. I’m holding out for someone who laughs at my bad puns.
33. It’s complicated — like assembling IKEA furniture.
34. Marriage? I haven’t even picked my wedding playlist yet.
35. I’m waiting for the stars, the vibes, and maybe a sign.
36. Ask me again after Mercury’s out of retrograde.
37. Still collecting enough emotional tokens to unlock that level.
38. I’m not on the marriage app yet — still swiping snacks.
39. I’m taking my time like it’s fine wine.
40. I’m open to it — if they bring tacos.
41. When I find someone who thinks I’m a limited edition.
42. Still waiting for my rom-com moment in a grocery store.
43. I’m still recovering from middle school crush trauma.
44. When “forever” sounds less like a prison sentence.
45. After I finish my thesis on avoiding awkward questions.
46. I’m married to my career. We fight, but it’s solid.
47. When I meet someone who doesn’t leave crumbs in the bed.
48. It’s on my to-do list. Somewhere near “buy socks.”
49. I’m just not ready to share my fries yet.
50. After I master the art of replying to this question.

🟡 Smart & Witty Comebacks to “When Are You Getting Married?”

These are for the thinkers, not the yellers. Perfect when you’d rather disarm with a clever line than go full savage. Think irony, insight, and confidence — the kind of replies that make the other person quietly rethink their question.

1. Ah yes, because my relationship status is your business plan.
2. I love how you assume I haven’t considered it — adorable.
3. I’m focusing on getting rich before I get hitched.
4. Marriage is like Wi-Fi — great in theory, unstable in practice.
5. I’m too busy dodging outdated expectations.
6. I’m saving marriage for my final act — drama sells.
7. Still waiting for the right contract terms. Love and snacks.
8. If I rushed everything I’m questioned about, I’d be in jail.
9. I prefer slow-cooked decisions — better flavor.
10. When the ROI on emotional investment looks promising.
11. I’m holding auditions. Know anyone with range?
12. Time is a construct — especially your timeline for me.
13. My timeline isn’t up for group edits.
14. Funny how no one asks, “Are you happy?”
15. I didn’t realize you worked for the Relationship Census Bureau.
16. I’ve chosen peace over paperwork — for now.
17. Love isn’t late — it just doesn’t RSVP early.
18. I’m waiting until I run out of personal growth books.
19. I’ll marry when I meet someone worth explaining to you.
20. I’m waiting for someone who makes therapy optional, not necessary.
21. I’ve prioritized self-awareness over shared bathroom counters.
22. Marriage is great — for people who enjoy arguing over curtains.
23. My dating life is in beta. Marriage is version 3.0.
24. I’m allergic to societal pressure. Rash develops instantly.
25. Because signing lifelong contracts under peer pressure sounds ideal.
26. I enjoy weddings too much to ruin one with my own.
27. I’m on a path. You’re just not on it with me.
28. I believe in love. Not in answering that question.
29. I’m focused on internal upgrades — marriage is a future DLC.
30. No marriage yet, but I did renew my sense of self.
31. You’re broke of ideas, huh?
32. Life is not a race to the altar — it’s a vibe check.
33. I’ll consider it when people stop asking like it’s overdue homework.
34. I respect marriage — that’s why I’m taking my time.
35. Why rush into a lifetime subscription without a free trial?
36. I’m just making sure I’m not a recurring character in someone’s drama.
37. I’m more into meaningful connections than photo ops.
38. I’m skipping to the part where I don’t owe you answers.
39. Still beta-testing “forever.”
40. I’m investing in emotional stability before wedding tables.
41. If love is blind, why is everyone so nosy?
42. I’m not late — I’m just not on your calendar.
43. I’ll tie the knot when the rope looks less like a trap.
44. I’ve been busy avoiding midlife regrets. Marriage can wait.
45. No deadline. Just vibes.
46. It’s interesting how people who ask that are rarely helpful.
47. I believe in timing. And boundaries.
48. I’m letting the plot twist build. It’s good writing.
49. I prefer deep connections over diamond rings.
50. I’ve decided not to play society’s bingo this year.
51. I’m allergic to pressure — it blocks my blessings.
52. My peace of mind said “not yet.”
53. I’m booked and emotionally busy.
54. I’ve postponed it due to strong opinions from others.
55. Marriage isn’t a reward for being single long enough.
56. I’d rather be late than regretful.
57. Still under construction — come back with patience.
58. I value my time too much to rush it.
59. Love isn’t a checklist, and I’m not late.
60. I’ll get married when my cat approves.
61. I’m not a public service — my timeline isn’t open access.
62. I’d marry sooner if people stopped asking.
63. I believe in love. I don’t believe in your urgency.
64. No ring, but plenty of reasons.
65. Love should be chosen — not chased like a deadline.
66. I’m collecting wisdom, not wedding gifts.
67. You seem more invested in this than I am.
68. I’ll marry when it feels right — not when it looks right.
69. Love isn’t late. It’s just on my schedule.
70. I’m not missing out. I’m just not rushing in.

🔴 Savage & Brutal Comebacks to “When Are You Getting Married?”

Welcome to the no-mercy zone. These replies are not cute, not gentle, and definitely not for group chats with Grandma. You’ve smiled through the pressure long enough. Whether it’s “when are you getting married?” or “you’re broke,” these brutal clapbacks are for when you’re done being polite — and ready to end the conversation.

1. When I find someone less annoying than this question.
2. You asking won’t speed it up. Or get invited.
3. You first. Oh wait, no one asked you either.
4. When I run out of better things to do.
5. I’d rather be broke than married to someone like you.
6. I’m allergic to bad advice and bad marriages.
7. What’s it to you, Marriage Patrol?
8. I’m saving myself… from regret.
9. My therapist says I’m healing — from people like you.
10. Your obsession with my life is weird. Seek help.
11. I’ll get married when your opinion stops mattering.
12. Do you ask strangers when they last cried too?
13. Still waiting for someone with less judgment, more personality.
14. I could explain, but I like watching you squirm.
15. Your desperation for gossip is showing. Tuck it in.
16. I’m busy dodging divorce statistics, thanks.
17. Wow, still recycling that tired line?
18. Why? So I can turn out like you?
19. Imagine caring this much about someone else’s timeline.
20. I’d rather die single than live fake.
21. You don’t get a wedding invite. Or a conversation.
22. Ask me again and I’ll register at your funeral.
23. I’m not broke, I just don’t pay attention to clowns.
24. You’re confusing curiosity with relevance.
25. I’ll get married when I’m done watching you fail quietly.
26. You’re proof that marriage doesn’t guarantee wisdom.
27. I’d say “mind your business,” but you clearly don’t have one.
28. Thanks for the pressure. Here’s a mirror. Use it.
29. Your question aged worse than your advice.
30. I’m married — to not explaining myself.
31. I’ll commit when I stop seeing examples like yours.
32. If I wanted mediocrity, I’d have answered already.
33. I’m waiting for a partner, not a project.
34. And yet, you still think this is charming.
35. Your concern is noted. And laughed at.
36. Why rush into forever when I have options?
37. Maybe when people stop asking like it’s a demand.
38. I don’t settle — you did. See the difference?
39. Oh sweetie, this isn’t your business plan.
40. Ask again and I’ll start charging a consultation fee.
41. Your marriage isn’t exactly goals, so maybe sit this one out.
42. I’ll marry when I can’t ignore love — not noise.
43. Did you memorize this script from 1952?
44. You sound like a brochure for poor decisions.
45. When are you getting therapy?
46. I’d rather ghost my wedding than talk to you again.
47. Your judgment smells like insecurity.
48. I’ll get married when your opinion stops aging me.
49. Don’t worry — I’ll get married when you get manners.
50. Why marry when I can be emotionally stable and peaceful?
51. You came all this way just to say that?
52. When I can afford a divorce lawyer in advance.
53. You sound broke — emotionally and creatively.
54. Don’t project your regrets on me. I see you.
55. If you were this curious about your own life, you’d be thriving.
56. You just made yourself the worst part of this reunion.
57. Marry your opinions — they clearly need commitment.
58. You must be exhausted from carrying so much audacity.
59. I don’t negotiate with outdated expectations.
60. Ask me again and I’ll send a reply with legal fees.
61. Your energy is giving “bitter, not better.”
62. I’m saving myself for something better than this conversation.
63. You should try minding your business — it’s single too.
64. I’m not emotionally broke — unlike your argument.
65. That question says more about you than me. Yikes.
66. I’ll let you know right after my Nobel speech.
67. You sound like a plot twist no one asked for.
68. I’m not rushing into anything just because you’re uncomfortable.
69. When I stop loving myself this much — don’t hold your breath.
70. You’re not on my guest list — or my radar. 😈

⚫ Short & Cold Replies to “When Are You Getting Married?”

No fluff. No warmth. Just cold, dry shutdowns designed to make silence feel louder. Whether someone’s asking about your love life or acting like “you’re broke” is a personality trait, these one-liners say: you’re not worth my time.

1. Not your business. Not your timeline.
2. Didn’t ask. Won’t answer.
3. ❄ Still deciding who deserves me.
4. Wow, bold of you to assume.
5. Ask better questions.
6. I’m good. You?
7. Why do you care?
8. Cute. Try again.
9. Not anytime you’ll be invited.
10. That’s between me and peace.
11. I don’t explain myself.
12. When I feel like it. 👌
13. Ask someone else.
14. No plans. No pressure.
15. Still choosing myself.
16. Not relevant to you.
17. If ever, not now.
18. I blinked. Missed the point.
19. Still breathing. That’s enough.
20. Don’t worry — I won’t.
21. That’s confidential. So is my patience.
22. Just like your opinion — not scheduled.
23. I’m not broke. Just not desperate.
24. You’re the first to ask. And last.
25. Marriage is delayed. Like this convo should be.
26. I’m too expensive for average.
27. My timeline > your curiosity.
28. Silence suits this question.
29. Marriage isn’t in season.
30. Sounds like a you problem.
31. Still screening applicants.
32. You’re weirdly invested.
33. Not pending. Not public.
34. I like my peace single.
35. When I stop loving solitude.
36. Still enjoying the quiet.
37. Shhh. Let me be.
38. I’ll RSVP to that… never.
39. Can’t relate. Don’t want to.
40. Try minding your own milestones. 🧊

Final Thoughts

Thanks for sticking around — and hey, props to you for handling “When are you getting married?” like the legend you are. These questions may sound casual, but they often carry a truckload of pressure, assumptions, and outdated expectations. That’s why having the right reply — whether funny, sharp, or savage — can be your best defense and a serious confidence boost.

Bookmark this page for when the next family gathering rolls around, and don’t be shy about sharing the laughs (and comebacks) with friends. You’re not alone — and your timeline is yours. Always has been.

FAQ

What’s a polite way to respond to “When are you getting married?”
You can keep it respectful yet firm with a line like, “When the time is right for me.” Polite doesn’t have to mean passive — clarity and calmness often do the trick better than over-explaining.

How do I shut down questions about marriage without causing drama?
A little humor goes a long way. Try something light like, “Still interviewing candidates,” or “Waiting for a sign — maybe fireworks or snacks.” It keeps things breezy while still making your boundaries clear.

What are some clever ways to respond when someone pressures you to get married?
Use confident wit to flip the script: “I’m focused on being happy — marriage isn’t step one for that.” Clever, calm comebacks can disarm the conversation without turning it into an argument.

Why do people keep asking when I’m getting married?
Often, it’s cultural habit or projection. People may mean well, but it reflects more about their expectations than your reality. You’re under no obligation to justify your choices.

Can I be funny without sounding rude when replying?
Absolutely. Say something playful like, “Still waiting for someone who understands memes and commitment.” Humor lets you protect your boundaries without burning bridges.

💬 Got One We Missed?

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Stan

Hi, I’m Stan — the guy behind WitBurst. I’m a former software developer who swapped code for comebacks, building this site to help people say what they wish they’d said. I write every article myself, blending humor, wit, and a little fire to give you real responses for real moments. If it’s awkward, rude, or just plain ridiculous — I’ve probably written a reply for it.

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